Habit, Not Hack: Asking Questions
The difference between a bold question and an awkward one is intent, clarity, and respect, and when needed, assertive.
Some grad students take notes during seminars.
Some stare at the slides and nod politely.
And some, like Maria, rehearse a question in her head for 15 minutes and still say nothing.
The Story: “I had a question… but I didn’t ask.”
Maria was in her second year of grad school and attended a seminar by a visiting speaker -an expert on stress signaling in plants. One part of the talk sparked something: a translational stalling mechanism that mirrored what she’d observed in yeast.
She had a question.
She also wondered: Could I ask for their plasmid or protocol?
But instead of speaking up, she hesitated. She worried she wasn’t “senior” enough to make that kind of request. That her email would seem presumptuous. That she hadn’t earned the right to ask.
So she didn’t.
“I realized I wasn’t just afraid of asking, I wasn’t clear what I wanted from the answer or how to ask respectfully.”
That moment sparked a shift.
Maria began journaling after talks:
What was my actual question?
Was I trying to learn, collaborate, or request?
What would a respectful, professional version of that question look like?
She didn’t just want to ask questions. She wanted to ask them well - in seminars, in labs, and in emails.
The Habit: Ask with Purpose, Ask with Grace
Whether you're asking a clarifying question in a talk, requesting materials from a PI halfway across the world, or asking for help from a labmate - clarity, intention, and tone matter.
Before Asking: Know What You Want
Ask yourself:
Am I trying to understand something more deeply?
Do I want to connect their work to mine?
Am I seeking access to a resource, dataset, method, or mentorship?
When you know your why, you’ll ask with confidence and professionalism.
During Seminars: Frame It Thoughtfully
Good questions are:
Specific
Respectful of time
Grounded in the speaker’s actual content
Try:
“Thank you for the talk. I’m curious - on slide 9, you mentioned [specific result]...”
“I’m working on something related and was wondering if you’ve considered [adjacent mechanism]...”
“Would you be open to sharing more about that assay design?”
When Requesting Research Materials (Protocols, Data, Articles)
Whether it’s from a published PI, a collaborator, or a shared facility:
Introduce yourself and your research in 2–3 lines
Be clear about what you're requesting
Cite relevant publications or explain how you'll give credit
Offer to help with logistics (e.g., MTA, shipping)
Example:
Dear Dr. Smith,
I enjoyed your recent paper on X. I’m a graduate student working on [brief topic] and was especially interested in your use of [construct/method].
Would you be willing to share the [plasmid/protocol]? We’d be happy to arrange an MTA and will cite your work appropriately.
This is how connections and collaborations begin.
When Asking from Labmates or Lab Staff
It’s easy to treat internal requests casually, but that’s where good lab culture lives or dies.
Whether you're asking a labmate for reagents, help with equipment, or guidance:
Mind your tone, timing, and transparency:
Don't demand. Ask.
➤ “Hey, would you be open to walking me through the settings you used for the FPLC yesterday?”Don’t downplay real needs:
➤ “Hey, I’m at a standstill until I can use the centrifuge, can I book a slot this afternoon and coordinate with you?”
Don’t apologize for needing help:
➤ “Would you be open to walking me through this column setup? I want to make sure I’m doing it correctly.”
Give context.
➤ “I’m planning to use the thermocycler for a long run, would it interfere with anything you’ve got lined up?”Don’t assume they’ll read your mind:
➤ “I noticed I’ve been waiting a while for the shared antibody, can we come up with a schedule that works for both of us?”
Acknowledge effort.
➤“Thanks for letting me borrow that last week, saved me a lot of time.”
When to Be Assertive, Not Just Polite
Sometimes, you’ll need to move from asking to advocating:
You’re being delayed by someone’s lack of follow-through
You need access to something necessary for your experiments
You’re negotiating authorship, data sharing, or workload boundaries
In those moments:
Stick to facts: "I sent the request two weeks ago and haven’t heard back."
Be specific about what you need and why
Offer solutions or next steps
Stay calm, professional, and firm
Assertiveness is not aggression. It’s clarity with boundaries.
Respect isn’t just for titles, it’s for your peers, too. And respectful requests still have room for assertiveness, especially when timelines, fairness, or data are involved.
Your Habit-Forming Reflection After Any Exchange
Ask yourself:
What did I really need to know or receive?
Did I ask clearly, professionally, and early enough?
Did I show appreciation and acknowledge others’ time or help?
If I didn’t get a reply or it was a no, did I follow up respectfully or redirect my approach?
Asking for what you need - whether it’s knowledge, feedback, or a reagent isn’t overstepping. It’s stepping into your role as a real scientist.
It takes more than answers to move your research forward.
It takes questions - asked clearly, kindly, and without shame.
That’s not a hack. That’s a habit.
✨ Want to take this habit even further?
Check out the GradLab Compass Seminar Companion Form, a one‑page, speaker & seminar feedback sheet designed for quick, clean, confidential insight that powers smarter sessions.
