Habit, Not Hack: Define Your Own Win
Ditch the race, build the road.
“Hey, did you submit your paper yet?”
I looked up from my coffee, surprised at how heavy the question felt.
That was the moment I realized: I’d begun every morning keeping a secret scoreboard. Who submitted first? Who spoke last night? Who stayed late? And most importantly… who was already ahead?
In my second year of grad school, it wasn’t enough to do my best. I had to outshine somebody. Especially Max - brilliant, always publishing, posting about fellowship wins like it was nothing.
It sent me spiraling back to childhood. I worked hard, but someone always “better” existed - my cousin crushed math tests, classmates earned higher grades. My parents meant well, but their message echoed in my head: You're successful only if you're better than someone else.
So, in grad school, even doing well didn’t feel good enough. Each draft felt stale, each revision hollow, until one afternoon when I rewrote my paper, not because it needed it, but because Max had already finished.
That evening, my advisor asked quietly, “Tara, are you writing toward your goals, or someone else’s timeline?”
It felt like a crack in the armor. I realized I had built my roadmap with other people’s milestones. So, I paused. Took a breath.
That Friday, I started a new habit:
I wrote down one small thing I had moved forward that week. No comparisons, just clarity.
I muted the X and LinkedIn accounts that triggered doubt.
I asked Max for feedback and for the first time saw him as an ally, not a rival.
And most importantly, I started measuring progress by my direction, not someone else’s pace.
Weeks later, I noticed something shift. I wasn’t racing anymore. Instead, I was steady. Content. Happier.
The Habit: Defining Your Own Win And Making Success Personal
1. Redefine progress as direction, not speed.
You’re climbing your own mountain. Your mileage doesn’t matter.
2. Turn comparison into curiosity.
If someone’s ahead, ask: What’s working for them? How can I learn?
3. Track your own wins.
Once a week, note your forward motion - yours, not theirs.
For fellow grad students and early-career researchers:
Comparison thrives in silence, but so does perspective. Talk to peers, normalize nonlinear journeys, and remember: the person you need to outpace is yesterday’s you.
Replace comparison with clarity.
That isn’t a hack.
That’s a habit.
